so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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