Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
