Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
