Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
