I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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