Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
