Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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