And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
