just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
