I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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