I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
