WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
