Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
