Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
