escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
