hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
