just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize