She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
