Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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