Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
