The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
