True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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