Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
