You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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