Soap is not a condiment
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
