I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
