is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
