just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
