Just fell off a train. Bad.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
