yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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