so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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