he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
