i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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