please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And then my night got REAL pukey
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
