I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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