i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
