Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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