Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
