It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
