I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
