I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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