Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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