best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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