Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
