I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
