I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
