My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
