I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
