wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
