"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
