that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
