elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize