I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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