I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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