he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
