I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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