i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize