umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
