go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize