You're my little dorito
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize